As 2023 comes to a close, Progress Missouri wanted to reflect on the year in Missouri politics: the good, the bad and the ugly.
There were some standout moments, each as unique as the stars in the sky – or the zodiac signs’ personalities.
Read on to find out which Missouri political moment best exemplified your star sign this year!
Aries: Bill Eigel’s Staged “Book Burning”
Aries are the first fire sign of the zodiac: they’re bold, confident and fiercely competitive. They’re also impulsive, and often respond with emotion instead of logic.
Enter Bill Eigel’s staged book burning from earlier this year. In a bid for attention on his longshot gubernatorial campaign, State Sen. Eigel burned boxes with a flamethrower, saying when he became governor he would burn books “on the front lawn of the governor’s mansion.”
Taurus: The Most Unproductive Legislative Session In MO History
Tauruses are known for their dedication and resolve, but sometimes that dedication appears as stubbornness.
This past Taurus season, the 2023 state legislative session ended with a record low number of bills passed. Republican in-fighting and grandstanding prevented anything from getting done, which was not necessarily a bad thing given lawmakers’ priorities.
Gemini: The Cashew Chicken Twitter Spiral
Geminis are communicators at heart – they love to text, talk and tweet. But the more online you are, the more likely you are to screw something up. When Gemini missteps, they’re happy to just … move on.
The most chronically online moment of the year – the cashew chicken Twitter/X controversy – represents Gemini. Sometimes we just shouldn’t tweet.
Cancer: Bipartisan Successes At Lowering Maternal Mortality Rates
Cancer is widely seen as the most maternal of the zodiac signs. Cancers are also conflict-averse, but can be passive aggressive.
This year, the Missouri legislature made a rare bipartisan effort to expand Medicaid coverage postpartum to help lower Missouri’s maternal mortality rate. While the legislature eventually got there, Senate Republicans first proposed an amendment to the bill that would have prevented it from going into effect.
Leo: AG Bailey’s Desperate Attempts To Make Headlines
Leo might be one of the most recognizable zodiac signs, in part because they’re always trying to get in the spotlight! For Leos, it’s easy to be the center of attention because of their natural charisma.
While Attorney General Bailey doesn’t have the same ease as a Leo, he sure is trying to get attention. As his first ever election approaches, he’s making increasingly more grandiose gestures in order to get the media attention on him. He backed Elon Musk’s lawsuit against a media organization, repeatedly broke the law and filed pointless lawsuits to bully LGBTQ kids.
Virgo: Politicians’ Obsession With Controlling Us
Virgos are diligent and methodical perfectionists. They have high expectations and can be critical of others if they’re not careful. Because they are perfectionists, they often believe they know what’s best for everyone, and they’re not afraid to call you out if you step out of line.
This year, the Missouri state legislators took drastic measures in their attempts to force us to do what they want us to do. They considered laws banning birth control for low-income Missourians and tried to bring an end to majority rule. The legislature would benefit from trusting that Missourians know what is best for their communities and letting go of their control issues.
Libra: Mitt Romney’s Scathing Commentary On Josh Hawley
Libras are natural diplomats and peacekeepers – but they also love a good gossip sesh every now and again.
Right before Libra season this year, a snippet from U.S. Senator Mitt Romney’s biography was released. In the snippet, Romney called out fellow Senator Josh Hawley’s “oily disingenuousness,” blaming him for the January 6 capitol riots. Like Libras, Mitt Romney has been recognized for being one of the more bipartisan elected officials – but he also isn’t afraid to spill tea on his more extreme colleagues.
Scorpio: House Speaker Dean Plocher’s Attempted Staffer Retaliation
Scorpios are known for their ambition – but that ambition can have a dark side that turns into a relentless pursuit of power.
Right at the start of Scorpio season this year, reports revealed that Missouri House Speaker Dean Plocher attempted to retaliate against a House staffer after she raised flags about a constituent management system that Plocher was trying to implement in the House. The constituent management system could have been used – illegally – to prop up Plocher’s Lieutenant Governor run.
Sagittarius: Bill Eigel’s Insane Pre-Filed Bills For 2024
Sagittarius is known for being multifaceted and extremely passionate. Sagittarians are natural entertainers, but struggle with practicality and commitment.
Bill Eigel’s weird pre-filing antics, which began right in the middle of Sagittarius season, exemplify the sign. From his proposal to disband the Department of Education to his bill making gold and silver legal tender, Senator Eigel has a lot of quirky ideas that make good dinner party stories. But no one thinks they’re practical enough to actually pass.
Capricorn: Josh Hawley Endorsing Trump After Trump Mocked Him On Social Media
Capricorns are ruthlessly ambitious and relentlessly loyal. They work hard to make sure they – and their friends – come out on top.
U.S. Senator Josh Hawley is actually a Capricorn himself, as demonstrated by his constant ladder-climbing and his unwavering friendship with Donald Trump. After Trump said Hawley might lose his 2024 re-election, Hawley almost immediately endorsed Trump in the Republican presidential primary.
Aquarius: Missourians Fighting Back Against Politicians Who Want To End Majority Rule
Aquarians are known for their rebellious streak: more than any other sign, they crave the freedom to make their own decisions. Plus, they’re natural humanitarians, passionate about fighting to make the world a better place.
To ring in Aquarius season this year, Missourians from around the state went to the Capitol to testify against legislation that would have ended majority rule in the state. Real Missourians went head-to-head with lawmakers, and ultimately they came out ahead when session ended without legislators passing any changes to the initiative petition process.
Pisces: Secretary of State Jay Ashcroft Leaving ERIC With No Replacement
Pisceans are imaginative dreamers – but sometimes they have trouble separating those dreams from reality.
Secretary of State Jay Ashcroft seems to have the same problem. He believes in disproven election conspiracy theories and used misinformation to guide his decision to leave ERIC, the interstate compact that helps states maintain secure elections. In the last week of Pisces season, Ashcroft pulled Missouri out of the compact with no replacement.
Our 2024 Prediction
Early next year, Pluto will enter Aquarius, symbolizing a new era of transformation. Pluto in Aquarius represents humanity and serving the common good. We’re dealing with big stuff here: changing power dynamics and developing empowerment as a community. That sounds great for everyone in Missouri who is over the status quo.