13 Things Josh Hawley Has Done Representing Missouri That Give Us The Creeps

It’s Friday the 13th, widely considered a harbinger of bad luck and one of the spookiest days of the year. To mark the day, here’s a round-up of the 13 spookiest things Josh Hawley has done that show how unlucky we are to have him representing us in the Senate.

13. Committed campaign finance fraud… and in the process, revealed he can’t spell ‘Margaritaville’

In 2020, Hawley spent nearly $200 in campaign funds on a family vacation, which is prohibited by the Federal Elections Commission.

To add further humiliation to the pile, when reporters published screenshots of the finance reports, they revealed Hawley had disclosed spending at ‘Margaretaville.’ A hint for the future, Josh: it’s on the sign.

12. Missed work to take these cringy gym photos

As Attorney General, and while on Missouri taxpayers’ payroll, Hawley frequently worked out in the middle of the day.

And to pay us back for wasting our valuable money, he posted videos of his workouts. Maybe he needed an accountability partner.

11. … And missed work to buy wine in the middle of the day

10. Became one of the coastal elites he railed against

While Hawley built a national profile railing against coastal elites, as soon as he got elected to the Senate, he hightailed it to Virginia, using his sister’s Missouri house for his voter registration. He did what it took to get elected, and then did what he wanted: moved far away from our state.

9. Wore KU colors to a Mizzou game

8. Wrote an entire book on how to be a man

7. … Right after he ran away from the Capitol instead of defending it

6. … Then made money off of rallying the rioters who scared him

5. Celebrated Missouri abortion ban, saying people would move if they didn’t like their state’s laws

When Missouri became the first state to ban abortion with no exceptions for rape or incest, Hawley celebrated the move, saying it would strengthen Republicans’ success on the presidential electoral college map by forcing people to move.

4. … And tried to tie birth control and premarital sex to human trafficking

Why is Josh Hawley so concerned about what Missourians do in their bedrooms?

3. Explained his pornography habits on national TV

Why?

2. Repeatedly used Missouri to climb the political ladder

When he ran for his Senate seat in 2018, Hawley was accused of using the Attorney General’s office – which he held for only 10 months before announcing his run – to climb the political ladder. And now as he heads into 2024, he’s faced countless questions about his presidential prospects. A bit much for a guy who said he’d tackle ladder-climbing politicians.

1. Kissed (?) his wife

Enough said.

Posted January 13, 2023